Dance Against the Voices (LokiXAuthor)

My life was a lie.

My life is a lie.

Once again, I have wandered my mind into a place I wish never to go to; this dark of an abyss that makes me question everything in my so-called “life.” The many voices of demons speaking to me reminding of my past failures and regrets. It’s been so long since I last felt this way, but once I stepped through the gates of Hell, there’s no going back...or so I thought. I did the only thing I can to rid these black-inked yet invisible voices: I wrapped my black and blue Batman headphones around my ears and blasted whatever I can.

No.

I can still hear them. Telling me to give up. To surrender. That I am forever a slave to my own life. When was I ever free though? Freedom is life’s greatest lie, so it’s not news to me anymore. I fell onto my bed, limbs spread wide out with my eyes closed. Bad idea. All the memories flashed before my eyes like a film going at a thousand miles per second but able to see what these cinematic records play. Black tears fell from my eyes. If audioed projected sounds won’t drown them, will my own?

“내 기억 속에 깊어만 가는 개에 물린 흉터자국. 난 벗어나려 더 애써 봐도 내 손은 핏투성이.”
[The scar of a dog bite goes deeper into my memory. The more I tried to get away, my hands became bloodier.]

You can’t sing. Yes, I can.

You’re wasting your time with this fake dream. Like you would fucking know.

You think you’re this badass musician who doesn’t give a fuck. Damn straight.

Stop lying to yourself, poser. Piss off!

Everyone’s gonna laugh at you just like they did before. “SHUT UP!!!”

I shot up from my bed almost knocking over my laptop which was sitting at the foot of my bed. I took my headphones off, still streaming tiny grains of music, and threw them across the room. My head hurts. Can’t think straight. Can’t even breathe right. Damn.... My head turned to the nightstand, and I opened the drawer spying a pack of cigarettes. Haven’t touched those in forever. My hand took the carton and opened it revealing a single white stick and a lighter inside. I’m going to regret this later. No. The stress is too much. Right when I was about to take it out, a different hand quickly grabbed the pack out from mine.

“You dare taint your body again with such filth?” a familiar voice said right next to me.

I turned to see the god of mischief himself with the look of disgust on his face.

I scoffed, “Like you care, Loki.”

A green aura was casted on his hand making the “filth” disappear into thin air. His facial expression stayed the same. Seems like he brushed off my words like nothing.

“Your voice is far too precious to be corrupted. Might I remind you of what happened before when you made the same mistake previously?”

I didn’t answer back. Of course I remembered. Just like everything else I remembered. I don’t want to remember anything anymore. Can’t he just leave me alone? I walked passed him towards the kitchen noticing my mom wasn’t around. No wonder this god is here; he can’t get caught. I opened one of the cupboards, where I hide my liquor, but I noticed...it’s gone.

“What the...?”

“Looking for this, my dear?”

I quickly turned to see Loki leaning against the wall, his gold armor glistening from the light. His face had a rather amused expression waving my vodka back and forth by the neck of the bottle.

“Oh balls....”

The liquor disappeared in the same fashion my cigarette did. Why the hell is he doing this?!

I threw my arms up in the air with defeat, “I give up....”

I walked over to the couch next to my mom’s two sleeping Shih Tzu's and let out the biggest sigh ever and closed my eyes again. Again, bad move. The laughters, the horrid jokes, the neglect and pain. All of it hitting my head like a wave crashing.

“시끄러워!!!”
[Shut up!!!]

A pair of hands were placed over my ears, and the noises stopped immediately. I slowly opened my bloodshot black eyes, now smudged by my eyeliner, and caught sight of Loki kneeling at eye level with me giving me a very concerned face with his bright green eyes.

“The voices again?” he asked softly, and I nodded. “What do they speak of this time? What slander have they shown to you?”

“The past. Everything. That I can’t do anything. My dreams...are nothing more than dreams.” My messed up black eyes casted downwards. “My life has no purpose.”

“You are burdened with glorious purpose.” That made me chuckle a bit.

“People can only be born into greatness. Into wealth. Into power. If you’re not born into it, you’re just like everyone else.”

Loki raised a brow, “Who speak of such nonsense?”

“My dad.”

“HA!”

I looked back up to see the god trying to hold back his laughter.

“Humor me, darling.”

“Well, it’s not just him. It’s everyone else. I’m born poor and talentless. I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to play music. But...everyone says I can’t. I can’t do jack shit.”

His face became serious again and bore his green eyes into my dark ones sending a chill down my spine.

“Never, ever, let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do. Prove the cynics wrong. Pity them for they have no imagination. The sky’s the limit. Your sky. Your limit.”

His words hit me like a hammer and nail leaving me dumbfounded. I didn’t even notice his hands were gone away from my head, and he was at the dining table with my laptop. Wait...when did that get there?!

“Now. Let’s dance,” he announced.

He clicked on the mouse, and a familiar music played from the speakers as he walked back towards me and laid his hand out in front of me with a smile.

“May I have this dance?”

I took it and got up from the couch. He led me towards the middle of my living room.

“Show me how this ‘badass musician who doesn’t give a fuck’ can dance.”

“Wait, what? How did you...?”

He put a single slender finger over my lips shushing me. I gave him an unamused look while he showed me the opposite. It’s a never winning battle against him, I swear. He put his hand along my waist and grabbed my hand while I placed my other hand on his shoulder. The music became more clearer to me.

“Wait. Is this...the Diabolic Waltz?”

He chuckled, “Of course not. What makes you think that, darling?”

Before I could respond back, he already started to lead the waltz movement ever so gracefully trying not to collide his boots with my bare feet. I looked at his smiling face and chuckled under my breath.

“거짓말.”
[Liar.]